We always tend to think that the one who "gets dumped" is the big victim in a relationship. What happens is that the one who gets dumped is in a completely passive situation and is forced to deal with the whole feeling of helplessness.

How to fight against a partner's certainty?

Those who stay are swept away by a feeling of betrayal even if there was no "betrayal", properly speaking.

Those who remain feel adrift, abandoned, rejected, unloved... without ground. What is left for those who are left are tears.

Sometimes, depending on one's unpreparedness or surprise at the news, one has the impulse to juggle to get the other to turn back. But it is useless.

Are there villains and victims?

We make the mistake of believing that the one who left the relationship "is in a good place". He is seen as the villain of the story, the one who causes the suffering. But that's not exactly how it happens...

In a stable relationship that began with the intention that it be as long-lasting as possible, it is clear that both are moving in the direction of solidifying the couple.

It is expected that love will be forever and ever, and no matter how much one keeps an eye on the evolution of the relationship, the love, the horniness, the interest in perpetuating the bond may end up on one side.

Sometimes it happens that both of you lose interest gradually and almost at the same time. But in most cases this disinterest is unilateral.

Who stopped loving He who has stopped loving would not like to have stopped loving, but it is not a decision, it just happens.

He searches inside himself for a long time to find the desire, the passion of the early days, but finds nothing. He experiences a great conflict and enters a state of mourning.

Guilt and frustration

Who stopped loving too lost a love and spends a long time often blaming himself, anticipating his partner's pain, wanting to prevent him from being hurt.

And often, in an attempt to deny that the feelings have just faded away, in the belief that there needs to be a more compelling reason for the separation that it is not enough that love and desire have run out, mistakes are made.

If you find yourself in this situation, pay attention not to make the separation unnecessarily more painful than it naturally is by avoiding the following situations:

• Provoke sterile discussions
• Seeking an outside relationship as a way to punish yourself for the guilt of not loving your partner anymore
• Seeking a forced closeness to "disguise" their real feelings and intentions
• To despise your partner or treat him with indifference, imagining that this will make him stop loving you too, making your decision easier

Such attitudes will only prolong and accentuate the inevitable pain of decision making.

Nobody wakes up in the morning with the discovery that they want to separate. This is a process, we realize ourselves little by little.

Those who go through this experience undergo a distressing reflective retreat because they often cannot easily accept the reality of their feelings.

And until they realize that it is impossible to continue living together, they live the mourning of the loss of a love, of the plans and projects in common.

It is a mistake to believe that those who wish to separate "are in a good mood". The difference between those who leave and those who stay is that those who leave experience grief before the separation takes effect.

And add to this all the courage necessary to communicate with the partner and to manage with balance the unfolding of this decision.

Small bereavements

The saying "when one doesn't want two don't fight" applies perfectly in cases where the desire to separate is unilateral. When one of the two sides comes to communicate this decision, it has already been long matured - and suffered.

The sense of relief experienced by those who leave and the apparent simplicity with which they can deal with the issue are often seen as insensitivity, and this is another mistake.

Each one, in their own way and in their own time, lives the pain of loss, and after the first impact, it is always good to keep in mind that in relationships of affection there is no guarantee certificate, and even less expiration date.

Beginning, middle, and end. Even relationships that last "till death do us part" suffer small bereavements along the way.