Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person with more social power (a man in relation to a woman, or an adult in relation to a child, a boss in relation to a subordinate, the president in relation to the citizens, etc.) uses his credibility to deny a fault, mistake or injustice committed by himself and witnessed by the weaker person.

Some examples of gaslighting:

• a child sex offender who dismisses the accusation by claiming that the child is "making things up, has a vivid imagination."
• a violent husband who denies accusations of mistreatment, saying that his wife is "crazy" and is lying to harm him;
• a boss who denies the bullying and says that he is only being sued because the employee was fired;
• politicians who tell lies in public, and then deny that they have told those same lies.

When something like this happens between two people of equal social "weight", a battle of "my word against yours" begins. But when this happens with people in unequal power situations, the person with more prestige "deforms" reality to the detriment of the truth, preventing the person with less power from restoring justice within the situation.

So when gaslighting is effective, compensatory measures for damages cannot be taken: sexual abuse is not punished; the woman is not protected from her abuser; the subordinate does not receive justice for what he has suffered in the work environment.

For this reason, gaslighting is considered a form of violence. It imposes permanent and irreparable damage on relationships, and damage that will not be compensated for by those in a lower social position. Learn how to identify an abusive relationship.

Who can commit gaslighting?

Whenever some kind of social inequality is present, the person with the most prestige has the power to commit gaslighting Men in relation to women, adults in relation to children, bosses in relation to subordinates, and so on. This power must come with responsibility.

People who hold some kind of social privilege should be aware and alert so as not to risk committing gaslighting inadvertently or by accident.

We can compare this to the situation of a driver: the driver has the power to kill a passerby, and needs to take active measures and precautions to prevent this from happening.

In both cases, whether it is gaslighting or a traffic accident, the responsibility for what happened lies with the person who has the power to cause the harm, regardless of whether it was done on purpose or by accident.

I have committed gaslighting! Now what?

If this has happened inadvertently, how can the damage be repaired? In this case, the important thing is to resume the conversation, admit that the facts are the facts, take the appropriate steps to restore justice.

Abusers, abusers, and harassers commit gaslighting intentionally, so it is unlikely that any of them will go back, admit their mistake, apologize, and offer to pay the penalty to restore what they have hurt.

But ordinary people who may commit gaslighting by accident always have a chance to admit that something bad happened, that they did something reprehensible, that they regret it.

It is important to apologize, both for the original fact and for trying to make it seem like what happened was the other person's "invention" or "imagination," make amends for that mistake, and move on. Learn more about the exercise of forgiveness.

I am suffering from gaslighting, how to deal with it?

"You're imagining things, that's not what I said, that's not what happened, you've got it wrong". A coexistence full of phrases like these can be very damaging, leading the victim to the point of doubting his own sanity, and making him unable to fight against the injustices he is suffering. If you are the person who is going through this, how can you defend yourself?

Managing relationships where there is gaslighting is delicate, but some steps can be taken.

1. the first of these is to point out the lies. Do this in a calm tone of voice, but in a firm and determined manner. This first step is a way of checking what is going on. In cases of accidental gaslighting, this is usually enough to resolve the situation, and to start a healthy conversation about the relationship. In intentional cases, you will need to proceed to the next steps.

2. emotional strengthening is fundamental. Seek the support of loved ones and also psychological support. Gaslighting is a form of emotional violence that causes damage to the victim's self-esteem and self-confidence. Trying to confront the abuser without this kind of support can make the situation worse.

3. in the meantime, produce evidence. Avoid interacting with the abuser without witnesses present (preferably the loved ones you sought out), give preference to means of communication that produce records, such as whatsapp or email conversations.

Reflect on the relationship. Gaslighting can happen in personal, professional or social relationships, so the fourth step can lead to different outcomes depending on the context. The important thing is to assess what are the prospects for change within the relationship where the gaslighting is happening, what are the costs of leaving that relationship (or job, or family tie, etc.) and what areThe weighing up of these three questions will point the way out. Also for this step, the support of a psychotherapist makes the process easier.